This Means War!

I am tired. I’m sure that is stating the obvious. But why am I so exhausted you ask? Because I have a 2 year old who has decided to act every bit of 2 and I am at my wits end.

To say that Johanna is strong willed is the understatement of the year! And women without kids, let me warn you – when they say that your child is you, but 10x worse? Believe them. Johanna is a total monster in a cute, little persons body. She’s so…

Our number 1 issue is potty training. For the love of God and all that is holy I do NOT-tuh understand why my child goes from one extreme to the other. She does darn near perfect with potty training at school, as with most other things. Yay! Give me a boom (her definition of a high five)! Fantastic! But at home O_O. I go from having the joy of the Lord to wanting to pin this child up by her toes. Which of course I wouldn’t do, but ooooooooo baby! She just doesn’t know how good she has it. If I ask her to potty ONCE she gives me grief, but may still do it. The second time? It’s as if the potty is on FIRE! She screams, and I don’t mean that little scream that you and I can do. I mean that scream that only kids can do that drives us batty and makes dogs run around in circles howling. That scream that makes neighbors think you’re killing your child, when all you’ve asked them to do is use the friggin potty! I mean Johanna, really? Where da heyuhl they do that at? Not this house! She better get it, or I’m giving her up for adoption while her daddy is in Afghanistan

So this is how it goes…every single day…of my life…

Me: Johanna let’s go potty.
Johanna: I don’t wanna potty.
Me: Well unfortunately for you, it’s not about what you WANT to do, it’s about what you have to do. Now let’s go potty.
Johanna: No mama.
Me: If you potty like a big girl I will give you a sticker AND some milk *rolls eyes in the inside because I’m bargaining with a 2 year old and this ish is ridiculous*
Johanna: No potty mama.
Me: Well we’re going. Come on.


It’s all downhill from there. I finally get her pullups or panties off and put her on the toilet and she flings herself back, arching so that she almost hits her head on the back of the toilet O_O. And before you ask, yes, she does have a potty her size, but she always chooses the big potty over the smaller one. I proceed to fight with her on the potty while she’s screaming for the popo to come get me. She does actually use the potty during this process, but still fights me every step of the way. She refuses to wipe and will only wash her hands. And then she screams when I make her stop playing in the water. And the other day you know what she did??? This lil…girl…takes her hand and SMACKS ME!!!

Huh. Huh. Bwahahahahahahahahaha! <—That’s me going cray cray because it is so obvious that this kid of mine has now lost ALL of her mind! Dude, when I tell you that I started to have an out of body experience, I mean it. My palms got sweaty. My heartbeat raced up to about 145. My breathing became rapid. For a second I started to black out and completely forget who I was and what I was doing. When I came to, Johanna was still standing there acting a fool. I…had to breathe. I had to pray to the Lord for strenf that only he could give me because that action right there, is not what is allowed to go down in my house. For the rest of the night Johanna and I had it out. At one point of time, 45 minutes into her sitting in time out (that’s right, 45 minutes!), she was STILL sitting in time out trying to escape lmao! Smh. Clearly that wasn’t working. So, I took away everything she liked. Oh, you wanna scream and have a breakdown? Then let’s have a reason to break down! No Dora, no kindle, no tv, no coloring books, NO MILK, NOTHING! Take that take that! Do you know this lil…girl…looked at me and went to go lay on the couch like that’s what she wanted to do the whole time? I mean looked at me like

People, what do I do with this? No really, what do I do with this child? I give her the business everyday and I stick to what I say, I promise! I do not budge. But she doesn’t care. Like, at all. So I stopped talking to her. I know I know, now I’m 2, but I really had nothing to say. I told her that I wasn’t talking to her because she was impossibly disrespectful and that I didn’t like it. She carried on about her business, but then had the nerve to come over and kiss me on my cheek O_o.Ha! Hunty! Lil mama! Lemme tell you something. I was an only child too. I know this game far too well and yeah, no, doesn’t work for me. Go saddown somewhere So yeah, I’m seriously asking for help. Yeah, she breaks down with anything that goes against her princess lifestyle, but the potty thing is driving me batty. I’m ready to just let her live in diapers for the rest of her life *shrug*. I’m tired. I’m worn out. And I just ain’t got it. Heeelllp!!!!


12 thoughts on “This Means War!

  1. You crack me up! Girl you must’ve put ur mom through hell when you were a baby cuz tha Lord is paying you back for something you did in a past life…LOL


  2. Stupid question: BUT have you tried not making her? Maybe she’s not ready. I find with Z, the more I force her the more she resists…I’m just saying 😉


  3. We’re potty training starting July 1. That’s four days. Crap. We’ve been counting down with my daughter (two and a half) for an entire month and trying to help her be excited about it. I am DREADING it. I don’t know what the heck I’m doing and she flat out refuses to sit on the potty. I told her in July there’s no more diapers. That’s it. If she goes, she goes on herself.

    I read a post like this and laughed my head off but I’m afraid that will be me next week.


  4. This was how it was with my daughter. Start and stop. Start and stop. We backed off and waited until she was ready. Then, once she was going #1 on the potty regularly, she refused to go #2. At all. She went an entire week without a bowl movement. Purely out of will. Suffice it to say I am NOT looking forward to the teen years.

    It was a long, hard road for us, so I feel you:

    But I also know you WILL get there. Eventually. Just hang in there, and try not to make it a battle of wills.

    Thanks for linking up for The Mom Pledge Summer Blog Hop!


    • That’s my thing. If she’s this strong willed now I’m in big trouble when she’s a teen! I always tell her that this will make her a great leader one day, but today I just need her to do what mommy says! Thank you for your comment and for letting me be apart of this!


  5. Very funny post! But seriously? I would put her back in diapers. She’s a stubborn little thing, and this is something that is absolutely under her control. It’s a battle that you CANNOT WIN. I’ve got five kids and you have to pick your battles. No normal child remains in diapers forever. I would approach her very sweetly and say that you think maybe she just isn’t ready to use the potty right now, and that she needs to let you know when she is. If she chooses to wear underwear, remind her or ask her about the potty but don’t force her. If she has an accident just clean her up without comment, no big deal. Take out all the drama and don’t make it a battle of the wills. (of course now I see this was all a couple of months and by now she’s probably using the potty and has moved on to some other phase!).


    • I wish she moved on lol. I’ve finally stopped trying. Some days she stays completely dry, others she’s completely wet. When she asks to use the potty I let her, but when she doesn’t, meh. I let it go. I’m still secretly praying on the inside for her to master it though. Kids and their stubbornness, geesh! Thank you for commenting and for your advice!


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