Mommy Guilt

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This week was a bit of a whirlwind. Between finding Johanna a new school and being sick, I’m exhausted. On Monday Johanna had her very first dentist appointment and she did beautifully. As you can see, she was so full of glee that she couldn’t stand still. This dentist office was very fun looking and kid friendly. The dentist himself was very gentle with Johanna and we appreciated that. She was an angel for him, opening up wide for him to brush her teeth, which is exactly the opposite of what she does for us at home.

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After the dentist appointment we visited the daycare facility in the city. Of course Johanna loved their playground like I thought she would lol. We didn’t have many reservations about the place but on this second visit it was a bit cluttered to me. At her current daycare they clean as they go so it’s never really a mess in there. Just an observation.

Lastly we visited the Christian Academy in our neighborhood. We met with the Executive Director and things were great. We went on a tour and mommy got sad a bit. Although she won’t be sitting at a desk, she will be in a real deal classroom. It is just a switch from the daycare to the classroom and I got a little emotional on the inside thinking of my baby growing up. I don’t like it lol.  It’s bad enough that her favorite saying right now is “I’ll do it, all by myself!”Le sigh.

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Yesterday was Orientation at the new school. Johanna got to visit her classroom and meet her new teachers. She had a ball because the new classroom meant new toys lol. As the room started filling up she got a little shy and wanted to sit in my lap, but she was still smiling. That made me feel good. Maybe she’ll be just fine. We were also able to pick up some school uniforms for her and hear about some programs that the school offers. Johanna can participate in the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics) program even at the PreK-2 level! I think that is fabulous. They will also teach her spanish and sign language, AND they take then for tumbling lessons once a week. Very cool if you ask me.

Well this morning brought with it mommy guilt. This is Johanna’s last day at Day Care. Of course I’m freaking out on the inside wondering if we are doing the right thing. I do NOT want to damage her in anyway. My worse nightmare is that this turns out to be really bad and she is scarred for life. I’ve tried explaining to her all week that this will be the last time she sees her teachers at the daycare and that she starts a new school on Monday. She says ok and nods her head, but she’s 2.5. I don’t know how much she really understands. Anyway, when her dad dropped her off this morning he said that the teachers were all really sad and in tears O_O. Thanks you guys. You’re making this so easy on me (NOT), I feel so bad. I know that she loves them and that they care for her. She’s been there for a whole year and she’s use to them. I feel evil now tossing her into a new program. However, as I explain to people the fact that the new program will be $250 less letting us exhale a tiny bit easier, that she will be in uniforms so we don’t have to spend as much on clothes, that her cousins go there and that the programs they offer are really good, I know we’re making the right decision. I just pray she sees it the same eventually. I guess this is one of those moments where the kids don’t understand why mom and dad did what they did, until they are older and have kids of their own.

Say a little prayer to Jesus for me and Johanna. I think dad is fine. But mom is having a bit of a meltdown :-/

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One thought on “Mommy Guilt

  1. ma’am, I hear you completely. I am dealing with mommy guilt and anxiety as I dropped my little one off at kindergarten. I know I am doing the right thing too but it is tough and filled with emotions. All I can say is, breathe and be courageous.

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