Hello Anxiety

Friends…we’re friends, right? I mean you all know more about me than most of my family does so, friends it is. Friends, let’s talk about how May – June was the most anxiety laced time of 2014 for me. Every time my husband goes away for work for weeks at a time, I question my sanity.

Let me tell you something that not many people know about me. I hate houses. I hate places with lots of corners because, well, you never really know what’s around them! Which is weird because as a child I LOVED horror movies and eventually even found them to be funny. Not as an adult. I don’t do horror movies and I don’t do corners. My studio apartment, which was my first apartment as an independent woman, was the best to me. Minimal corners, in the city, in a high rise building where my neighbors could hear me scream if I cried out for help. So imagine me being in a house with a cat and a preschooler…by myself…for 4 weeks…

We slept in the living room every night. Two house lights had to be on btwn the hours of midnight-5am, and sometimes the tv as well. I couldn’t really decide whether or not to have the tv or a/c on. I mean, if they were on that would lessen my chance of hearing that ax murderer breaking into the house. Or that snake coming out of the vent. Or the dryer bursting into flames. So that’s when I would turn the fans on instead. They were noisy, but not too noisy. Low enough for me to hear if someone had scaled the back deck and was trying to blast through the door.

At night I barely slept 3 hours. For one I was hot! And two my anxiety wouldn’t let me fall asleep at first. But between the hours of 4:30-7, as the sun was just beginning to rise, my nerves would calm down as I turned off the lights, and succombed to the fatigue that would overwhelm me. Being anxious is sooooooo draining!

I would love to say that by the time JD got home I was over it and sleeping well, but truth be told, everytime the boiler clicked or the neighbors walked up their stairs I was freaked the heck out and on alert with my knives ready! Until I started thinking about what if I passed out, and one of the knives fell and the baby got the knife and hurt herself, or was running with it while trying to take it into the kitchen and fell on it, or or or….

le sigh.

Well my friends, one thing I know for sure is true. If any of you offered to stay with us the next time JD goes out of town, I might just be anxious enough to take you up on that offer.

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